I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Win/Win arrangements. When we offer something to someone it needs to be from the heart. Or if it’s a business transaction, it needs to be clearly stated. For example, “I’ll give you this product or service, and you give me this amount of money.”
It’s not good to say you’ll help someone secretly expecting something in return. What we offer needs to be from the heart with no strings attached. If you DO expect a return favour, say so. If you’d prefer a win/win arrangement, say so. And define what that win looks like.
It’s also not good to be on the receiving end of someone’s generosity and keep taking and taking. How would you feel? That is taking advantage.
Remember, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Treat others how YOU would like to be treated. If you began an agreement of helping and it has been stretched beyond your limit, say so. If you don’t speak up, resentment will build and you’ll feel like blaming them. There’s no point blaming them….even if they are on the take. It is a great opportunity to correct your own poor boundaries that allowed it in the first place.
Some of us grew up trained to be very good doormats. It can even be generational conditioning as if there’s some glory in being used and abused. It’s the idea of humility that has become convoluted, and terribly warped. There’s no glory in being a doormat. It’s time to reassign the part of you living that role. You can be free and give freely to others not under compulsion or by manipulation. Freely giving.
Not everyone thinks like you, which is one of the HARDEST things to deal with in this life. Some people will cancel plans at a moments notice, arrive late to places without communicating it, owe money and never pay, lie about business dealings, and all manner of things.
When we find that any of these types of arrangements we have made to help or serve have gone off track, it’s either one of two things. Miscommunication or poor boundaries, or both. We have all been burnt by people who use us, take advantage of us and then discard us. Everyone has at least one bad, “I was so ripped off” story. Some people have many of them.
We can’t change others. We certainly can’t control others. We CAN take authority over our own behaviour, reactions, and decisions.
Some people are skilled at putting you straight on the back foot where you don’t even know how to respond. Usually, you’ll feel an uncomfortable sensation in your body, and it can take time to learn how to put a voice to those feelings and create healthy boundaries. We also don’t want boundaries to go so far that they move into selfishness. Some people hide behind the concept of boundaries when really the truth is that they would rather not help, visit, pay, be involved, care, or sacrifice. Again, you can’t control that in others.
Any time you feel used, ripped off or taken advantage of, check yourself. Check your boundaries. Check your belief system. There’s a huge chance that you could even have a belief like:
“Everyone is out to get you.”
“People are so selfish these days.”
“I help others but they just use me.”
Working on our deeper beliefs, our boundaries, and using our voice to speak up graciously in various situations can make a huge difference.
Ideally, go for win/win and if you give, give freely with no strings attached.
You can permanently change your attitude about what is possible for you. This is a process that can be challenging if done without proper guidance, support, and positivity. I know how much influence our self-beliefs have on what we can achieve in our lives. This is one of the concepts that the You Have A Voice Academy zeroes in on. This program will support you in creating a whole life upgrade in all the important areas of life so that you can have more freedom, success, peace, and alignment.
Have a look at what’s in store for you in the You Have A Voice Academy. The You Have A Voice Summit in Bali draws near. If you’d like to know more about this amazing retreat that can help you use your gifts in a much bigger way than ever before, please contact me as I’d love to hear from you!
Don’t miss Manly Jazz Festival this Sunday if you can make it!
1:30pm – 2:30pm, Sydney Road Stage.
It is time to
Find Your Voice, Empower Your Soul, and Live the Song of Your Life!
Always remember, You Have A Voice!
Love, Simone xx